I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
