very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
