please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
