i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
