I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
