Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is the high leading the old right now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
