I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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