Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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