Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
