Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
