it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
