Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
