what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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