I smell stomach acid.
she looked like the before picture.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
