your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
