do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
