He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
