Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
