If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
