omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
