The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
