Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
