Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
