puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
