Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
