Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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