someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
