Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My pussy is not your playground.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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