p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
