I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
