I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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