it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
