you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
