I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
