the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
