Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
