How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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