i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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