Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
