How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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