i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
