the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Say something about gay babies.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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