Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
