We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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