I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
