mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
