so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
