Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
