Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
