Can i not drive my cunt home
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
