If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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