Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
