Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
